What is and shall never be
by Midlo
Summary: Kate tells John she is pregnant and he tells her about Sam and Dean. Furious, she demands that he bring them to her house to live while he chases things that go bump in the night.


"Kate, are you sure?"

"I'm sure, John. I have taken three pregnancy tests. I am definitely pregnant and since you are the only one I've been with in well…, let's just say a long time, this is your baby. I'm sure of it. I'm a nurse for crying out loud."

"I know, I know. This is all just such a…a shock, I guess. Not that I'm not happy, I am happy. I would love to have a baby with you, darling." Seeing the murderous look on Kate's face, John quickly backpedaled and approached his girlfriend. "We'll be great parents. This is a good thing, baby." He pulled her into his strong arms and was surprised to find her weeping.

"John. Be serious. Think about this. Your job isn't exactly conducive to the whole white picket fence experience. And, I won't raise my child into this life. I just won't. So, it's probably better if we say goodbye before the baby even gets here.

"Kate, darling. I just found you. I'm not quite ready to let you go. There are, however," John paused and ran a calloused hand purposefully over his stubbled chin. "complications. Sit down. I have something to tell you."

Two hours later, Kate was pacing across the floor of her tidy, yellow kitchen and shooting murderous looks at John. "Two little boys? Alone? In a motel? John, I cannot wrap my head around what you might have been thinking if you were thinking at all. How old is Dean, John? 12? And Sam? He's four years younger, right? How in God's name could you leave them and come here for a 'job' John? They're your babies. I am so angry at you, I cannot find the words."

"Kate, what do you want from me?" begged John. "I just found you. You're carrying my child. I'll do whatever is necessary to make this right. You have to know that finding Mary's killer is huge to me. It's what has driven my actions all these years. Right or wrong, it's who I am."

"I'll tell you what I want, John. And, if you ever, ever, ever want to see this baby you had better listen and listen good. You are going to get in that god forsaken car and go get those boys of yours and then you are going to bring them here. They will live here with their baby brother while their daddy foolishly and recklessly chases the things that go bump in the night." Kate looked at the clock on the wall above the kitchen table. "It is 8 o'clock at night John. You will get up in the morning and go get those little boys and bring them here. And if you think I'm kidding? I'm not. You will never see this baby if you don't return in roughly, oh, about 6 hours. Do we understand each other, John Winchester? Because I can review the rules if you need a refresher."

The hunters who knew John Winchester would have snickered mercilessly at how easily he was led by this woman's word. How he wordlessly nodded at her ultimatum and when they retired to her bedroom how he repeated how sorry he was as he held her to him. Kate wasn't Mary, but she was Kate and Kate was what John needed right now. As she drifted off in his arms, softly sniffling every now and then, he turned towards the light that was appearing in her bedroom window and wondered how he would tell his boys, especially Dean, that he had found someone who brought him happiness the way Mary had and that she wanted to take care of them. He stifled a groan because he knew, Dean being Dean, that he wouldn't take well to this. Sam would embrace the normalcy of even a stepmother, but Dean? John might as well have asked Dean to accept a shapeshifter as his new mommy.

He got up and dressed before Kate woke. At one point, as he kissed her goodbye, she stirred, but fell back into a deep sleep. The drive to the motel was excruciating. He did something he hadn't done in years. He worried about how to tell his boys something. Normally, John just barked orders and the boys complied. Sammy sometimes grumbled, but Dean never did. Should he bark this as an order as well? Or should he actually have a conversation with his sons about their future with Kate and the new baby. Dean was 12, Sammy was just 8. Sammy would embrace this, of that John was certain, but Dean. Dean. His little soldier. He'd go along with it because his father commanded it, but he wouldn't like it. Not at all. His entire life had been spent avenging his mom's death. He wouldn't take kindly to his father finding a replacement for the woman he loved more than any other.

John pulled into the motel and shut off the Impala's engine. He sat in front of the door behind which his boys were sleeping peacefully. At least that's what he hoped. The door suddenly opened and Sammy appeared, long hair wild with sleep and rubbing the remains of his night's rest from his eyes. John's breath caught as he looked at how little and young his baby looked in his tee shirt and pajama bottoms. Sammy had obviously heard the growl of the Impala and wanted to see Daddy. John sighed, opened the car door and got out of the car. Sammy saw him move and essentially threw himself at his father. "Daddy, you're back, you're back" he exclaimed, the adoration in his voice so obvious it caused John to almost tear up. He hugged Sam to him and then picked him up and walked towards the door of the room. "I'm back, baby. I'm back. And I've got some news for you and your brother. I think it will make you happy." Sam pulled back from his hold on John and looked at his father quizzically. John ignored the plea in those beautiful blue green eyes and continued towards the room and his eldest son.

It took John approximately the same two hours to explain to the boys about Kate as it did to explain to Kate about the boys. Sam asked a lot of questions about Kate, the house, where they would sleep, where they would go to school and could he have a dog? But, Dean? Didn't make a sound. Just sat on the edge of the bed nearest the door and watched his father pace and tell the story of Kate, the new baby and their new home.

Finally, John was finished. Sam was already up and packing, the thought of having his Dad around every night too enticing for words. Dean just sat and stared at John. Finally, he spoke.

"Dad? Are you sure about this? She's okay with this? She hasn't even met us and she wants us to come live with her? Doesn't that seem strange?

John blew out the deep breath he had been holding. "Dean, son, I don't know what to tell you. I know that Kate and I are going to have a baby together and she wants us, all of us, to be a family. I like her, Dean. A lot. She's funny, and pretty and smart and I think she'll take good care of us. A lot better care of you boys than I have been doing lately." Dean opened his mouth to speak again, but John's cell phone rang. John grabbed it. It was Kate. "Hey, Kate. Yeah. I'm here with them. We're getting ready to pack up and head back to you. Yeah. I told them. It's okay. Alright. See you in a few hours."

Dean continued staring at John with those deep green eyes and long lashes. John closed his phone and put it back in his pocket. He put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Dean? Son? Let's try this. Being normal might be okay. We might like it."

Dean swallowed hard and looked away from John and for a minute, John was afraid he was going to start to cry. "Are you still gonna find the thing that killed my mom?"

Heartbreak, thy name is Dean. As his son uttered those words, John felt as though he was going to sink through the floor. He hadn't thought that far ahead, frankly. At this point, he just wanted to keep his boys and Kate and the new baby safe.


End file.
